By Sarah Palin. "Non Fiction." (304)
Reading this book was such a drag that I was really tempted to quit. But once I figured out that the Palin lady explains the quotes she will use, then transcribe the quotes, and then sometimes explains what she just quoted, the reading went a lot faster. Actually, if you skipped the quotes, this book would be about forty pages long. The picture section is also huge, and it's divided in two sections: I have an awesome family and a beautiful, huge home, and I really care about America. It feels more like the photo album of a little girl trying hard to get the approval of her judgmental mom, by proving how pure, wholesome and patriotic she is. Seriously, why do we need to see a picture of her praying with her husband? Did she ask somebody to take a picture of her? Or did she just realize that somebody photographed her and then asked for a copy? I can't think of many more private moments than a family prayer, and yet, here she is, displaying it for the world to see.
But then, the whole book rings self-righteous, and, like every self-righteous person, she judges the crap out of those she considers her opponents/enemies, namely liberals, who turn out to be the most anti-America, evil, family destroyers, military haters, and basically the most everything-that-is-against-the-laws-of-God-and-nature in the world. The premise of this book is basically this: Conservatives are real Americans. Real Americans think that the US of A is the greatest thing that ever existed on the planet (I’m quoting pretty much verbatim here), and that if somebody doesn’t agree, it’s not a patriot, which after slaughtering children, is the worst thing you could possibly be. Also, liberals hate families and especially children, that’s why they want to kill them before they are born, and the longer they’ve been in the mother’s belly, the better it feels to kill them. Finally, liberals hate God and religion, that’s why they don’t bring it up every time they open their mouth. Well, I’m paraphrasing, but the meaning is really not that far off.
It seems that Palin’s biggest beef (to use one of Bill O’s favorite expressions) with Obama is that he doesn’t go to other countries and tell the citizens of those nations that America and Americans are way better than their country and them. Real patriots, like Reagan, did stuff like that and that’s why they are so loved. Being respectful of other people’s patriotism is anathema and should be punished by stoning. Or something really close.
This book is all over the place. There is no central theme, besides the one in which America is the greatest thing ever. But there is no central narrative, or main points that lead to other sub-points. Palin will be talking about one thing, then in the next paragraph and without warning, she completely changes her topic. It’s dizzying. Her arguments are based not on facts or statistics, as you may find in one of her so hated Jimmy Carter’s books, but in statements, quotes, and opinions by founding fathers, fellow extremist conservatives, and Martin Luther King, Jr. (she quotes MLK A LOT. It sounds like compensating to me). And she uses a lot of exclamation points, even when there should NOT be an exclamation point.
I’ve read other books by conservative writers, among them Bill O’Reilly, Bernard Goldberg and Glenn Beck, and this is by far the most amateurish one. It’s as if the editors just gave up after a few pages and said to themselves “Well, this is going to sell no matter what, and the people buying it are not really intellectuals, or may not even read it, so why bother?” And so you get this piece of sloppy rambling of a glorified pamphlet that wouldn’t get a C- in an 8th grade English class.
Behold, some of my most hated quotes:
“The mainstream media has been working overtime to portray these Americans (soldiers) as angry and bigoted.” – Such as…? (She does this a lot. She will throw an accusation and not give a single source or example.)
“ People approach me all the time to tell me they’re worried that we’re losing what’s best about our country. President Obama and the current Washington crows have promised us a ‘fundamental transformation of America.’ The Left (sic) seems to think that there’s something wrong with America–not something wrong with our policies or our government, but something wrong with our country and what we value. So they’re hell-bent on changing it. They don’t seem to share the timeless values that so many of us hold dear.” – Again, no source, no quote, no example, nothing, just a blank accusation with no fundament.
When talking about the movie “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington,” she randomly says (a propos of nothing, mind you), “I shared a love of this movie with my maternal grandfather, C. J. Sheeran.” – And then she goes on to describe her favorite scene. Non-sequitors like these seem to be the norm on this book. What was the purpose of that sentence is beyond me. Stretch the writing so it resembles more a book? Did the editors demand a minimum amount of words, and she was worried she couldn’t make it? To tell us that old people like that movie? That she had a grandma? It’s truly one of those mysteries that future invading colonies of super human intelligence from outer space will have to decode.
“(…) Americans (…) who have a very different view (…) see America as having flaws, to be sure. But they understand that these flaws are not in the nature of our country but in the nature of humanity. No government can–or should try to–change our fundamental human nature.” – You tell them, girl! Wait, what was that again?
“We are free as a consequence of being made in the image of God–even if you don’t believe in God.” – Basically, screw what you believe in, I’m right. It reminds me of that classic of the Queen B. (the “b” stands for “bitch,” by the way), Ann Coulter, who said that Christians are perfected Jews. I get it, she really believes she’s better than Jews, but she can’t realize that saying it to a Jew in his face in national television is probably not a very smart thing to do?
“That means having judges and justices who are no longer guided by the Constitution and the law, but by their personal opinions. President Obama himself has said that, in the really difficult, consequential cases, justices shouldn’t go with the law but with their hearts. ‘That last mile can only be determined on the basis of one’s deepest values, one’s core concerns, one’s broader perspectives on how the world works.” – I know, President Obama said “the last mile,” meaning, after the law’s capability to help has been exhausted, judges should use their life experiences to finalize their decisions. But hey, let’s just say that he meant “never follow the law but your hearts” instead. It sounds so much more terrifying! Besides, he’s black, and a Muslim, and an African! (Basically, this is why tea parties are brainless morons.)
“When you take the time to read the plain text of this oath, and then consider many of the criteria that President Obama and other progressives have spelled out for their judges and Supreme Court justices, there is no other conclusion to come to other than that progressives want Supreme Court justices who will ‘violate their oath of office.’” – Yeah. That has to be it. No other possible conclusion.
To prove her point that the Obama’s health care is evil, Palin quotes a random guy’s sign at a rally, “Governments don’t Give Rights. Governments Take Rights Away.” There, you got me. I’m convinced. Bring the lobotomy tools! I’m one of you!
“But more Americans have opposed Obamacare than have supported it since the health care debate began. A majority of Americans opposed the bill when it was proposed, then passed. A majority oppose it today.” – Sounds dramatic, right? From the Huffington Post, which has sources, you know:
The poll finds that 40 percent of those surveyed said they support the law, while 41 percent oppose it. Just after the November congressional elections, opposition stood at 47 percent and support was 38 percent.
As for repeal, only about one in four say they want to do away with the law completely. Among Republicans support for repeal has dropped sharply, from 61 percent after the elections to 49 percent now. (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/16/health-care-poll-finds-de_n_809646.html)
Not even the majority of Republicans are against the law. And 41 vs. 40 percents of Americans are hardly a majority. Besides, I’m positive that those who oppose the law don’t even understand it or know what it is about, but base their opposition in the belief that Obamacare will indeed kill grandma. After all, that was Palin’s whopper that placed in the top among the biggest lies of the year in 2008.
“Even Thomas Jefferson, the author of the assertion that all men are ‘created equal’ and that we are all “endowed by our Creator with certain unalienable rights,” owned slaves and may have had a sexual relationship with one of them.” ¬– The “may have” is adorable.
Quoting Charles Murray: “I’m thinking of qualities such as American optimism even when there doesn’t seem to be any good reason for it. That’s quite uncommon among the peoples of the world.” – Peoples of the world, I’m sorry to say, but we Americans called dibs on optimism. You go and get yourselves other qualities.
“Our leaders in Washington today have completely abandoned the idea of a government that relies on strong families at the same time that it respects the liberty and rights of these families. When we have government taking over our health care choices and seeking to influence our end-of-life decisions, we have a government that doesn’t respect the sanctity and privacy of families.” – See? I told you. Liberals hate families because they don’t want them to die. Palin! Palin! Drill, baby, drill!… Sorry, I got carried away with Palin’s brilliancy and sparkling logic. Aren’t we lucky to have her!
Palin, complaining again about Obamacare, says, “How can we know what it means to care about any children until we first fulfill our obligations to our own? To be responsible to ‘all children’ is to be responsible for none; instead, it is to call for the creation of a suffocating state that erases all freedom and human attachment in the name of caring for ‘the children.’” – I know. I’m sick and tired of Obama’s kids knocking on my door asking for some spare bread. I wish he would take care of those damn children of his already. Wait, that’s what Palin is saying, right? Actually, I have no idea what she is saying. I’m so confused. I really want to hate those liberals, but she’s not making it easy!
At this point, I’m just in page 86 out of 217 of my Nook’s copy of the book, and I’m bored of quoting stupidity after stupidity already. So, instead of keep going, I’ll just quote some funny uses of exclamation marks:
“The people of Fayatteville, Arkansas, were warm and welcoming during our Going Rogue book-signing tour!”
“Feeling right at home with NASCAR fans at the Daytona 500 on Valentine’s Day 2010! After speaking to the motorhead-filled crowd before the flag dropped, I was honored to shake hands with our troops who were there loving this all American pastime!” – Double whammy.
“I eat, therefore I hunt!”
“A rare moment captured of the Palin Crew–we’re all together, at home!”
And my favorite:
“We say a prayer of sincere thanksgiving as we eat cake!” – In this case, the exclamation point is justified because she’s saying a prayer while eating cake. That’s real talent. Ricky Bobby would be proud.
Sarah Palin couldn't be out of the limelight for too long. So, for MLK's day, she wrote on her Facebook:
